Cut the Cord
Once, as I was offering my help at the school Matthieu will be going to in September, I was laughingly advised to “cut the cord a little bit”. I have to say it made me furious.
First off: how could I bear the suggestion that I was shadowing my son for my own benefit? Especially when they don’t realize how much he needs to be supervised, how unaware he is of danger, how clever he is when it comes to understand the devices and tricks we use to keep him where he is, as well as the way to escape at the very second we stop paying attention.
How could I bear it, when I was asking for one thing only: have a normal child, a child who would not need me every minute, and this, who knows, until he dies or I die?
How could I bear it, when in four years I haven’t had one vacation, one moment to relax without my children, or to take care of myself? Not one moment with something else on my mind than cries, stereotypes, or the dangers my son is exposed to every single day?
Besides, after hearing all these things about it being the parents’ fault (please highlight this in bold type: the mum’s fault) if
children are autistic, because you don’t love them or raise them like you should, etc. How can they not figure out that another “fault”, attributed to me, is going to be the last straw?
And finally, how can they not see that offering my help is also a way for me to relieve them, because working with an autistic child who bounces off the walls and does not listen to sensible talk is not easy?
Please, if you are about to say this to the mother of an autistic child, think twice before you utter these words. We are not
possessive, invasive mothers who live vicariously through our children. We are not idle women in need to get busy. We just want our children to live the best life possible, without being in any danger – danger you cannot even begin to think of, because normal children would never get themselves into such trouble.
Listen to us. Nobody knows of our children’s problems better than we do. Trust our advice. Accept the help we are offering. Understand us. Make it easy for us. Don’t think our intentions are wrong. We love our children. We know.
Translation: Aurélie
