Grandparents’ Role
An autistic child’s grandparents don’t always know which place they should take in the family. They balance between wanting to help and not wanting to bother. Grandparents can play an important role in the life of an autistic child and that of his parents.
Accepting the child’s handicap
It’s the first step to take to be of any help in the daily fight against autism. They need to completely accept the fact that their grandchild is not like the other children, deal with the loss of the perfect child, and go through the steps of loss (denial, anger, haggling, depression, acceptance, hope).
Matthieu’s maternal grandmother, that is my mother, found it hard at the beginning to believe that my son has got a handicap, but fortunately, she quickly listened to us and to our case, and now she is really there to help Matthieu progress.
I particularly think about the case of Anne Idoux-thivet, the “Écouter l’autisme” french book’s author, whose in-law family hasn’t accepted yet that their grandson is autistic.
“Once again, people around me trivialized: “No, the speech therapist is exaggerating. Matthieu is doing what any child does”, my relatives repeated. But my fears concerning Matthieu were fully justified. I couldn’t let anyone tell me the opposite anymore.”
— Anne Idoux-Thivet, Écouter l’autisme
“In January 2006, when doctor Guibert put right away the protocol for Matthieu’s care, Thierry’s mother came to tell us that Matthieu didn’t have anything wrong, but a sick mother. She refused – as if it was her choice!- that we put all into practice to help Matthieu, as he had nothing!”
— Anne Idoux-Thivet, Écouter l’autisme
“While I’m writing these lines, a year and a half later, my parents in-law are still in denial. We’ve lost a lot of time and a crazy energy to try to show them that we didn’t invent our child’s misfortune.”
— Anne Idoux-Thivet, Écouter l’autisme
Fortunately, all grandparents do not act that way, and they are even some of them who rapidly detect autistic signs, thanks to their experience with children.
To help grandparents accept their grandchild’s handicap, it can be clever to take them to some therapy sessions so that they can discuss with therapists, and find out how to help.
Pay attention to their other grandchildren
When among brothers and sisters, there is at least one autistic child, all the other siblings are less paid attention to. It’s not because they are less loved – of course not! – but because an autistic child requires so much attention and time.
When brothers and sisters become sad, or angry, grandparents can spend some privileged moments with them, so that they won’t feel left out. They can also look after the autistic child while parents do some activities with his siblings.
Get informed about autism
Without necessarily e-mailing each and every link they find about autism to the parents ( right mom? ;]), who have already so much to do for their part, and who surely already know about those informations, they can get informed about autism, and give interesting thoughts when discussing it with parents.
Take part in the child’s care
Each of Matthieu’s grandparent has got his own way to help when he’s got the occasion. His maternal grandmother (Mamitù) helps us take Matthieu every day to his appointments. She plays very much with him by making him do imitation and imagination games. She also encourages him to speak.
His paternal grandfather (Papiko) is more into discovery, walks in the park (that are tiring because Matthieu doesn’t stand still), and physical games like jumping, ball games…
His paternal grandfather (Mamiko) is more into an educational perspective: singing rhymes, drawing, going to the toilet, being autonomous, and so on.
They all get involved, each in his own way, and they all bring up positive behavior to Matthieu’s development. They boost him on various levels, with fun methods that help Matthieu learn things.
Those aren’t evidently the only roles that grandparents can undertake. They can also be a moral support to parents that is often welcome. And of course, to a certain extent, the other family members can also take part in the child’s care, learning and support.
Translation: Sihem Boussabat
