Autism & Children

We spent nine months imagining what our baby would look like. Would he have light or dark hair? Light or dark eyes? Will he look like Mom, Dad or like someone else in the family? Whose nose would he inherit?

The ultrasounds showed absolutely nothing wrong, but we were relieved at birth to see that everything was actually as predicted.  He has ten little fingers; his nose is indeed in the middle of his face. This little being might be red and wrinkled but he is “normal”.

From then on, one thinks: “it’s OK, we’re safe”. Now, all we have left to do is turn him into the next Einstein or Beethoven, depending on what Mom and Dad aspire him to be. Why not even a mix of the two? A child prodigy, whose knowledge and abilities would leave everyone in awe.

And then, we think he is a champion. He knows how to sit before the other babies, how to prop himself up, how to answer questions way ahead of his age on his little toy computer. He is ahead in many ways, except for his speech that disappeared briefly after it appeared.

And that’s when someone tells you that your little two year-old munchkin, for whom you had a great future in mind, will not grow up like the other children. All your hopes are suddenly shattered. You suddenly realize that it is true, that they are not joking: your child is in fact “abnormal”. Far from you the idea of a handicap, but it was there all along, even though you might not have been able to see it.

How can one mourn the idea of the perfect child? How to let go of everything you had dreamed of? How to come back to reality, to the now, and accept that your child might not ever become self-sufficient? That you might never have the conversations you had dreamed to have with him?

I quickly awakened from my dream. I did a lot of thinking and I love my son as he is. I do not love him less because he is different. Of course, it takes me a lot of work everyday, and the financial cost is undeniable, but it doesn’t “cost” him the love of his parents. He has our unconditional love.

Our life experiences with him will be different from the others around, that’s all. There will be less communication, but the progress will be more rewarding, because I will have worked as hard as he has. This way only will I learn to discover the child he is really is instead of the child I would have wanted him to be.

Translation: Eleonora