If you could ask something to Judy, what would you ask?

Sean and Judy Barron

Judy, you have written a book about your struggling to raise your son Sean on the autistic spectrum. What was the biggest challenge you faced when he was yet a child?

The worst thing was a total lack of information about autism and the belief held by doctors at that time that mothers were to blame. My husband and I were desperate for help but were treated with condescension and given wacky methods of coping – like forcing Sean to crawl like an infant to “retrain” his psyche. Another was a vitamin therapy regimen – he was expected to take a huge array of vitamins and supplements daily (34 pills at lunch time alone). At one point we had to undergo family therapy each week, a session during which the psychologist delved into my past (not my husband’s) to try and unearth why I was causing Sean to behave the way he did.

There were many years before Sean was diagnosed with autism. Knowing what you know now, do you think there are some things you would have done differently when he was still a child?

Certainly, had there been information at the time. We had no idea what we were dealing with until Sean was five and given the diagnosis of autism. But even then it was just a word, one which we had never heard before, and there was almost no literature about it available. Now, though, especially since we wrote our book and I learned for the first time what his behaviour really meant, I would not have minded saying the same things countless times until he could comprehend them. Also, I would have told him constantly that I loved him, that his behavior had no effect on that love.

What were the things you did with your husband that you feel really helped you reach to Sean, or helped him when he was growing up?

Talking endlessly. We explained cause and effect, why he could not throw anything he could pick up into the trees, why the three of us could not wear clothes of a particular color becasue he decreed we should, why he could not run in front of moving cars. Later, we talked about relationships – why it was inappropriate for him at age 14 to be in love with a 60-year old woman because she was kind to him, etc.

It seemed so pointless while we were doing it, but it turned out to be the opposite. He remembers it all now, even though it was impossible for him to act on it then, and what we said over the years turned out to be stored in his brain. He says that the very act of talking to him constantly made him feel connected, valued, and loved. I am astonished to this day that he has a wealth of knowledge acquired during the years when he seemed not to be taking anything in.

Also, perhaps most importantly, we refused to let him self-hypnotize – we interrupted his repetitive behaviors. Many people are opposed to doing so, but it clearly worked for us. Every time he began switching lights on and off, on and off, we stopped him because we could see him disappearing inside himself. He hated it when we interfered but we kept at it, out of instinct, really, despite his raging at us. He now agrees that he was trying to make the outside world go away and that had we not stopped him, he feels that he might have been lost.

Has there been something which should have been hard while raising a child on the autism spectrum, that instead went really easy with Sean?

Yes, toilet training was a breeze.

Nowadays, autism is diagnosed earlier. Do you have any tips to give to “new” autism moms?

Patience and more patience.

Here in France, ABA is not mainstream and many psychiatrists still tell mothers that their child’s autism is their fault or press them to use packing. How do you feel about what is available today to those dealing with autism in your country?

This is a huge country, so the services provided to autists and their families vary widely from one part to another. On the edges – the west and east coasts, there are many progressive services available and general knowledge is widely disseminated. In other places, however, many in the medical community are still mis-diagnosing and uninformed, the educational opportunities poor or non-existent.

A few years ago I received a letter from a woman who lives in Oklahoma, the mother of a 21-year old man with autism; she had been taken to jail because it was felt that her son’s abberant behavior was the result of her neglect and abuse.

The most enlightened care of kids with autism I’ve seen is in Iceland, where the school-age children are in a small building beside the regular school, where they attend whatever class or classes they can handle. There is a teacher and an aide for every two kids, there are art projects on all the walls, the kids each cook lunch one day a week for everyone, and the staff clearly love their students and are overtly affectionate with them.

Do you have a word of comfort for us struggling moms?

Learn from your child – something I wish I had done better when Sean was small. No one knows what is inside the head of a person who cannot communicate typically, but in my experience there is a real interior life of great value, no matter how hard it is to discern.

Judy Barron wrote, with the help of her son Sean, a very enlightening book about their journey: There’s a Boy in Here. Sean Barron also co-authored with Dr. Temple Grandin The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism.

I want to suggest you some game ideas that you might already have at home, in order to work on the face’s perceptions with your autistic child.

Locating Face Characteristics

Guess Who? Board Game (Hasbro)

Still difficult for the youngest (Matthieu is too young for these games: too many possibilities), this game can be convenient for children aged 5 and more. That will help them work on the eyes and the mouth’s location, colours, differences and similarities. To begin, don’t hesitate to choose easy characters to guess: those who have some peculiarities like wearing glasses or a hat, or having a moustache, are easy to find.

Positioning of the Face’s Elements

Magnetics (Diset)

This series of magnets is suitable to work on the face’s elements. Later, once the positions are identified, you can show them the different facial expressions (anger, joy, sadness) as well as differences between genders (male/female).

Working on the face’s expressions and emotions

4 Face Expressions Puzzle

As they are unable to read the face’s expressions, autistic children find it hard to identify people’s emotions and feelings from the look on their face. With these simple puzzles, make your child learn, in addition to the positioning of the face’s elements (for the youngest), expressions’ specificities and their relationship with feelings (joy, anger, sadness, surprise…).

Your turn!

How do you teach face elements’ positioning and face expressions to your child? Tell us all about it in the comments!

Translation: Sihem Boussabat

During long months (if not to say long years), I battled with him to abandon this obsession. Whenever I left for a couple of minutes, I would find him, either standing on his tippy toes trying to reach the handle of his bedroom door or in the process of opening and closing the TV console door.

I understood immediately that this behaviour was not acceptable, even though at the time I did not know my son was autistic and that rituals and obsessions had to be avoided at all cost.

Opening and closing doors seems to be a relatively frequent stereotypy in autistic people. I recently read in Judy and Sean Barron’s book, There’s a Boy in Here, Sean’s explanation of his autistic obsession with doors.

There was a bunch of identical doors in the room. I needed to know where those doors went – did they end or did they lead somewhere else? I felt better as soon as I saw the doors; before that I was uncomfortable because my routine had been broken by coming to this place.
Once I began opening and closing all the doors, I was all right. Of course, I had to keep doing it because even if I saw where one door went, I thought it might change, so I had to open it again and again to check. I had to do that with all of them because I could never be sure unless I did.
— Sean Barron, There’s a Boy in Here

When I tried to engage Matthieu in another activity, he would, if I left him to his own devices, immediately go back to opening and closing the door. Even when I was carrying him, for example after his bath, he would try to fling himself out of my arms to grasp the knob so that he could open and close the door instead of me. In fact, I hurt my back more than once as I was not expecting this kind of behaviour.

My friend told me that her children would also sometimes have fun opening and closing doors, but when I visited them, I saw that the only one obsessed with opening and closing the sliding door cupboard for hours on end, was my son.

Beware: This behaviour is not a sign of autism but it can be a common obsession amongst autistic people, like switching lights on and off. Consult the signs of autism if for some reason or another you are worried about your child and do not hesitate to ask the advice of a health professional who will recommend a screening test if they deem it necessary.

Translation: Joanna Menda

First off: how could I bear the suggestion that I was shadowing my son for my own benefit? Especially when they don’t realize how much he needs to be supervised, how unaware he is of danger, how clever he is when it comes to understand the devices and tricks we use to keep him where he is, as well as the way to escape at the very second we stop paying attention.

How could I bear it, when I was asking for one thing only: have a normal child, a child who would not need me every minute, and this, who knows, until he dies or I die?

How could I bear it, when in four years I haven’t had one vacation, one moment to relax without my children, or to take care of myself? Not one moment with something else on my mind than cries, stereotypes, or the dangers my son is exposed to every single day?

Besides, after hearing all these things about it being the parents’ fault (please highlight this in bold type: the mum’s fault) if
children are autistic, because you don’t love them or raise them like you should, etc. How can they not figure out that another “fault”, attributed to me, is going to be the last straw?

And finally, how can they not see that offering my help is also a way for me to relieve them, because working with an autistic child who bounces off the walls and does not listen to sensible talk is not easy?

Please, if you are about to say this to the mother of an autistic child, think twice before you utter these words. We are not
possessive, invasive mothers who live vicariously through our children. We are not idle women in need to get busy. We just want our children to live the best life possible, without being in any danger – danger you cannot even begin to think of, because normal children would never get themselves into such trouble.

Listen to us. Nobody knows of our children’s problems better than we do. Trust our advice. Accept the help we are offering. Understand us. Make it easy for us. Don’t think our intentions are wrong. We love our children. We know.

Translation: Aurélie

My son, who is up at 7 sharp every morning, and does not go to bed before 9.30 in the evening, my little Energizer bunny, was tired and could take no more. I spent some time thinking about it, and here are my thoughts on the subject.

Everybody needs a vacation

If I find myself exhausted at the end of a “school” year (so much that I actually get sick as soon as tension is released) when he’s the one making physical efforts to restrain himself, and intellectual efforts to learn, it is only normal that my son should be tired after one year of intensive therapy.

This three-week vacation id going to allow us to charge our batteries and get back fully loaded to therapy at the end of August, and to school at the beginning of September (if our moving in allows it).

He’s only a child

Matthieu cannot produce as much effort as an adult or even a teenager. I often forget he’s 4 years old, because we are so preoccupied with ensuring that he gets the best therapy possible that we only see results, and not their physical or moral cost.

He cannot express how tired he is

Matthieu being an autistic child, expressing himself is not easy. What we thought to be rebellion and tantrums were in the end just a way to express that he could take no more and needed a break.

Solution

I’ll need to schedule extended vacation period regularly along the year. For one year or so, every time I was asked by members of his therapeutic team if we were taking a vacation or carrying on with the sessions, I always went for the sessions, thinking it was the only way for Matthieu to make it through.

From next year on, I think we’ll follow the school holidays pattern to determine periods of activity and periods of rest, so as to avoid Matthieu going through this exhaustion. It’s a good structure to refer to, and apart from a few sessions in July maybe, during the summer holidays (because going two whole months without therapy is not feasible I think), I’m going to make sure he gets long enough periods of rest.

Translation: Aurélie

I already told to you a while back about how much Matthieu loved the Elmer book which he listens to with his TAG reader. Grandma and Grandpa followed my advice and gave him the TAG reader and a couple books one Christmas. We are always on the lookout for activities that he might enjoy and that will help him improve.

Readers

• Green TAG Reader
• Pink TAG Reader

Books

• ABC Animal Orchestra
• Toy Story 3: To Imagination and Beyond
• Cars – Tractor Tipping
• I Spy
• Olivia
• Tinker Bell
• The Amazing Spider-Man: The Lizard’s Tale
• Up
• Pooh Loves to…
• Miss Spider’s Tea Party
• The Little Engine That Could
• Curious George: Colour Fun
• Giraffes Can’t Dance
• 1-2-3 Dora!

I think this toy is fantastic, and recommend it to anyone who has an autistic child with comprehension difficulties. It is easy to use and also trains your child to point – and even if it is without using his finger, it is a first step.

The books have different modes: the reader tells the story, utters the words the child is pointing at aloud and each book has a variety of games, one per page, that requires the child to either answer true or false questions, or else, to point to the correct answer on the image. There is a great variety of books for all tastes,
girls and boys.

This toy allowed me to see that Matthieu understands stories and that he is capable of answering the questions asked by the book. In fact, much more than if I was the one asking them! In conclusion, a good purchase!

Translation: Joanna Menda

Always at the same place

If the size of your house allows it, it is best to pick one room for these sessions to take place in, where he will not be distracted by anything. But if you live in a small flat like I do, such an arrangement is not possible. Thus, the solution is to choose one spot that is especially devoted to practicing, one where he usually does not play.

Matthieu and I settle on the parental bed so we have enough room, can sit cozily and set to work. I generally take advantage of his brother’s naptime to pick a game and practice (beads, stickers, construction blocks, dominos, lotto, and so on).

Always at the same time

Easier said than done… But I have noticed that after lunch, while his brother is asleep and the two of us are by ourselves, Matthieu is the most responsive and the least unruly.

Digestion seems to keep him calmer; he does not run off every five minutes, and his brother is not there, trying to take part and distracting him. We use this time for quiet games; he plays by himself if he knows the rules or with me if I want to teach him new ones.

Stimulation through play

There nothing duller to a child than having to work. But if you turn the work session into a game, he will immediately be more cooperative. If you keep him interested, the job is done, and he will get to work all the more easily every time.

Rely on his interests

In order to make sure he is interested in what you want to teach, try to find material that is connected to his interests. Matthieu’s unending love for figures and letters makes me give priority toactivities involving the alphabet, counting or numbering.

Congratulations and rewards

Your child is not yet able – and who knows if he will ever be? – to study for pleasure, or study to please you, or because he wants to learn. This is why a generous amount of congratulations, applause or rewards is necessary. It is possible to agree upon it beforehand: promising a piece of candy if exercises are done properly or a toy after a whole week of effort. You’re the only judge of that.

Talk about it

Especially when your child is around! When you are on the phone with friends or family, tell them what a good job he’s been doing. His drawings should be displayed prominently, where everybody can see them; help your child send them to grandparents, use a chart to record the progress he’s making. Your child must see that his efforts and progress have been noticed and acknowledged.

Translation: Aurélie

Accepting the child’s handicap

It’s the first step to take to be of any help in the daily fight against autism. They need to completely accept the fact that their grandchild is not like the other children, deal with the loss of the perfect child, and go through the steps of loss (denial, anger, haggling, depression, acceptance, hope).

Matthieu’s maternal grandmother, that is my mother, found it hard at the beginning to believe that my son has got a handicap, but fortunately, she quickly listened to us and to our case, and now she is really there to help Matthieu progress.

I particularly think about the case of Anne Idoux-thivet, the “Écouter l’autisme” french book’s author, whose in-law family hasn’t accepted yet that their grandson is autistic.

“Once again, people around me trivialized: “No, the speech therapist is exaggerating. Matthieu is doing what any child does”, my relatives repeated. But my fears concerning Matthieu were fully justified. I couldn’t let anyone tell me the opposite anymore.”

— Anne Idoux-Thivet, Écouter l’autisme

“In January 2006, when doctor Guibert put right away the protocol for Matthieu’s care, Thierry’s mother came to tell us that Matthieu didn’t have anything wrong, but a sick mother. She refused – as if it was her choice!- that we put all into practice to help Matthieu, as he had nothing!”

— Anne Idoux-Thivet, Écouter l’autisme

“While I’m writing these lines, a year and a half later, my parents in-law are still in denial. We’ve lost a lot of time and a crazy energy to try to show them that we didn’t invent our child’s misfortune.”

— Anne Idoux-Thivet, Écouter l’autisme

Fortunately, all grandparents do not act that way, and they are even some of them who rapidly detect autistic signs, thanks to their experience with children.

To help grandparents accept their grandchild’s handicap, it can be clever to take them to some therapy sessions so that they can discuss with therapists, and find out how to help.

Pay attention to their other grandchildren

When among brothers and sisters, there is at least one autistic child, all the other siblings are less paid attention to. It’s not because they are less loved – of course not! – but because an autistic child requires so much attention and time.

When brothers and sisters become sad, or angry, grandparents can spend some privileged moments with them, so that they won’t feel left out. They can also look after the autistic child while parents do some activities with his siblings.

Get informed about autism

Without necessarily e-mailing each and every link they find about autism to the parents ( right mom? ;]), who have already so much to do for their part, and who surely already know about those informations, they can get informed about autism, and give interesting thoughts when discussing it with parents.

Take part in the child’s care

Each of Matthieu’s grandparent has got his own way to help when he’s got the occasion. His maternal grandmother (Mamitù) helps us take Matthieu every day to his appointments. She plays very much with him by making him do imitation and imagination games. She also encourages him to speak.

His paternal grandfather (Papiko) is more into discovery, walks in the park (that are tiring because Matthieu doesn’t stand still), and physical games like jumping, ball games…

His paternal grandfather (Mamiko) is more into an educational perspective: singing rhymes, drawing, going to the toilet, being autonomous, and so on.

They all get involved, each in his own way, and they all bring up positive behavior to Matthieu’s development. They boost him on various levels, with fun methods that help Matthieu learn things.

Those aren’t evidently the only roles that grandparents can undertake. They can also be a moral support to parents that is often welcome. And of course, to a certain extent, the other family members can also take part in the child’s care, learning and support.

Translation: Sihem Boussabat

Motivation

I would like her to be someone with my son’s best interests at heart, understanding how much he will need her presence, and benefit from it. Someone who doesn’t leave him wandering aimlessly at the back of the classroom so he does not disturb his classmates’ activities.

Empathy

I would like her to learn to understand Matthieu, to be able to compromise, to be able not to always give in, someone with high standards, asking him to do his best.

Listening skills

I would like her to listen to us parents, and to Matthieu’s therapeutic team, so she can find out about the learning process which is specific to autistic children – and to Matthieu. I would like her to be paying attention when Matthieu is speaking, because he usually goes quiet when someone is speaking at the same time as him.

Stamina

I hope she will be in shape, because Matthieu is rather restless. I’ve spent three days with him at school, and spent a lot of time chasing him so he wouldn’t misbehave. It is the classroom assistant’s role to take him where the children are, prevent him from wreaking havoc, and teach him to keep quiet during the activities – which is not always easy.

Patience

Spending your days with a child who doesn’t always want to do what he’s asked can be exhausting – I have experienced it. However, the assistant will have to patiently repeat the same instructions, the same movements to show him what to do and so on.

Gentleness

I hope my son’s classroom assistant will find something to love in my son, I hope she’ll grow attached to him at least a little, and that she’ll have his happiness and his best interests at heart. I hope that she will be firm without being mean, that she will comfort him when he needs it, that she will make him love her.

Communication

I would like Matthieu’s assistant to communicate with us on a regular basis, so she can tell us about his days and what he’s been doing, the problems she’s had to face, the progress she’s been observing. Maybe we will be able to keep in touch through some kind of logbook.

For Matthieu to be well integrated to his classroom and make progress, his classroom assistant will need to be committed to him, and to think of his future before thinking of her comfort. I hope we’ll find such a gem, with all the features I have just described.

How about you? Does your child have a classroom assistant? How is it going? What are the other features you wish for in a classroom assistant? Do not hesitate to share this in the comment section.

What can one do in a situation like this? How can this move happen as smoothly as possible?

Take your child on a tour of the new house

It might be wise to bring your child with you when taking a tour of the new house (or the new apartment) before you move in. But I believe it’s wiser not to bring him too early on in the process, just so that he doesn’t become obsessed about it.

Just last week – for the first time since the beginning of the constructions two years ago – we took our sons on a tour of the interior. We showed them their rooms, explained them who will sleep where, showed them the garden where they will soon be able to play, and we will keep talking to them about it up until the time we actually move in.

If the apartment you happen to move in is still occupied, and therefore you cannot bring you child to see it with you, be sure to ask to take pictures of the rooms so that you can share them and discuss them later on together. Take a walk around the neighborhood and show him the places he will go to (the park, the school, the speech therapist’s practice, and so on).

Avoid arriving in the evening

Give him some time to get familiar with the premises. If you arrive late, he might have a hard time going to bed in these unfamiliar surroundings.

Prepare a survival kit

Spare yourself the panic of franticly looking for an item he cherishes. Fill a box with things he likes so that he can regain familiarity in his new room. Pack his favorite stuffed animal if he has one, prepare a CD player with his favorite songs, rearrange the furniture in a similar set up… Everything that you think can help him transition smoothly!

Make a picture board

How about making a collage with pictures of your old house? For example: pictures of his room, of the kitchen, of the living room, and so on. You can also hang another board beside it with pictures of the new house, in order for him to grow more and more familiar with it. (Even better: give it to him before moving in so that he recognizes these familiar places).

You can also make a “parallel collage board” that shows which room replaces which: photos of the old and the new kitchen side-by-side, old and new bedroom…

Associate the move with something pleasant

I know how hard a move can be, and that time is of the essence. But if you can involve him in an activity he enjoys on the big day, it will help him bare the changes.

For example, you could serve his favorite cake for dinner, or buy him a toy or a game he’s been wanting for a long time, and so on. You can also promise him a nice walk in a place he likes the next day (zoo, park…). And maybe you can insist on the fact that it’s only possible because of the move and the house’s new location.

Bring out hidden toys

This tip might seem lame, but you’ll understand in a minute. One month in advance, arrange to hide a few toys: some that he likes, some that amuse him and while you are at it, why not add a few knick-knacks he’ll be interested in.

Upon your arrival, let him discover this strange box in the middle of his room. For all you know, it might keep him busy for a good little while and he might forget all about the stress of moving. Allow him to be a bit messy during the first few days. If it helps him find his marks, it doesn’t matter so much.

These were the few ideas I had about moving. Do you have other tips? Have you moved recently? How was the transition for your child? Feel free to share your experiences in the comment section.

Translation: Eleonora

I told the child therapist we are seeing about it, and he advised me to get Matthieu enrolled at the SESSAD (Special Education and Care Services). The problem is, one day has only so many hours, and one week so many days – I already spend most of it taking him to various sessions. Besides, we’ll be moving soon, and he should be starting school in September. No, really, coming to town more often is not going to be possible.

The therapist’s other argument is that SESSADs are used to taking care of autistic children, which is not the case of the kindergarten Matthieu goes to, where they let him do whatever he please (switch lights on and off, open and close doors, hand flapping and so on). However, we have agreed with his future teacher that the efforts he is making at home should be maintained at school, and she accepted to work along with an AVS (School Auxiliary).

So we explained the deal to Matthieu: improving his behaviour or giving up school for SESSAD. We have put too much effort in school to give up now, but if his behaviour doesn’t get better, we’ll have to change our plans and get him enrolled at the neighbouring department’s SESSAD.

Ever since we have explained this  to him, his attitude has changed in a very obvious way. Now, most of the time, his brother is the one misbehaving. Matthieu now also begins to understand that we are not addressing him when scolding his brother (phew!). Hopefully, he has a good chance to start school in September.

Translation: Aurélie

The ultrasounds showed absolutely nothing wrong, but we were relieved at birth to see that everything was actually as predicted.  He has ten little fingers; his nose is indeed in the middle of his face. This little being might be red and wrinkled but he is “normal”.

From then on, one thinks: “it’s OK, we’re safe”. Now, all we have left to do is turn him into the next Einstein or Beethoven, depending on what Mom and Dad aspire him to be. Why not even a mix of the two? A child prodigy, whose knowledge and abilities would leave everyone in awe.

And then, we think he is a champion. He knows how to sit before the other babies, how to prop himself up, how to answer questions way ahead of his age on his little toy computer. He is ahead in many ways, except for his speech that disappeared briefly after it appeared.

And that’s when someone tells you that your little two year-old munchkin, for whom you had a great future in mind, will not grow up like the other children. All your hopes are suddenly shattered. You suddenly realize that it is true, that they are not joking: your child is in fact “abnormal”. Far from you the idea of a handicap, but it was there all along, even though you might not have been able to see it.

How can one mourn the idea of the perfect child? How to let go of everything you had dreamed of? How to come back to reality, to the now, and accept that your child might not ever become self-sufficient? That you might never have the conversations you had dreamed to have with him?

I quickly awakened from my dream. I did a lot of thinking and I love my son as he is. I do not love him less because he is different. Of course, it takes me a lot of work everyday, and the financial cost is undeniable, but it doesn’t “cost” him the love of his parents. He has our unconditional love.

Our life experiences with him will be different from the others around, that’s all. There will be less communication, but the progress will be more rewarding, because I will have worked as hard as he has. This way only will I learn to discover the child he is really is instead of the child I would have wanted him to be.

Translation: Eleonora

How to catch his look?

It is already necessary to see if your child doesn’t spontaneously raise his eyes and look up at yours when you call him. If he is busy playing a game, you have to pass something that he likes in front of his eyes and then in front of yours, while constantly repeating “look at me in the eye” in a kind way.

After a while, he would have to understand what we expect from him when we ask him to look in our eyes, and it would become less and less hard as time is passing by.

Rewards

It is necessary not to under-estimate the importance of rewards when establishing a good behavior. Did he succeed in looking at you? Better: did he look at you and ask for something, or simply because you called him? He must be rewarded.

Rewards can go from simple congratulations (don’t hesitate to make many of them, and positive reinforcement often makes wonders on all children) to a tap on his shoulder, a tickling game if he likes that, or even a little sweet or a small toy that he desires if what he has done needed a particular effort.

Translation: Sihem Boussabat

For a long time, Matthieu has been flapping his arms each time he was glad (almost every two minutes- we’ve got a very happy child, that’s really great, but we had to do something against the flapping). We asked him so much to stop flapping by holding his arms gently that he almost ended up quitting this ritual. He sometimes does it again, but it is a rare occurance, and a simple reminder is enough to make him aware not to do so.

He needed time for that too, but he almost stopped opening and closing doors and wardrobes, turning the light on and off – at least at home, where I’m making sure it won’t happen. However, at the day care centre, where the child minders are less “fascist” than me, he sometimes does that although they had forbidden him doing so. Despite my permission to be strict with him, scold him and restrain him if it is necessary, I noticed that he spends a while on that every time he goes there. If the child minders go on being not strict enough, he will go on forever with these stereotypes.

These days, Matthieu claims to have to pee as soon as we enter a new place. While I was glad that Matthieu could ask to go to the toilet whenever we go out, I quickly noticed that it has become a ritual too. So last week, after consulting my therapists’ team, I decided not to allow Matthieu to go to the toilet when he enters a new place, mostly if he has been to one before coming. Our intention is not to break his future autonomy, but to make him understand that the toilet is not a compulsory step to go through whenever we get into a new place.

Translation: Sihem Boussabat

Learn how to communicate

The lack of social interaction and verbal communication can be a hindrance to the autistic child’s speech development. In the case of autism, speech therapy is less about speech (generally nonexistent) than about communication. Step by step, the speech therapist will help the autistic child to expand the means he uses to communicate, by focusing on his interests.

Identify feeding disorders

Yes, that is correct. The speech therapist will be able to diagnose problems with chewing or swallowing, and determine if the child is hyper- or hypo- sensitive to taste. There are many ways to help solve the child’s feeding disorders, as
part of a care process including the family and a multidisciplinary therapeutic team.

Speech therapy should not be underestimated in the care process of non-verbal autistic children. Thanks to our speech therapist, Matthieu has started to speak outside the house, he has learned how to point, and we could understand what we had to do for him not to choke whilst drinking…

Translation: Aurélie

Matthieu is trying to put my shoes on

Obviously, it is much easier and faster to do it all by yourself! I admit I often give my son a hand to get it done faster, and more particularly when we don’t have much time. But for that, as for the rest, I will need to bite the bullet, for his good, for him to be more confident and to master the most basic movements for his later life.

For some time, I have noticed that Matthieu can put his velcro shoes on correctly by himself (and on the good foot 99% of the time). He can also take his clothes off (taking them on is more difficult, and less interesting, because he usually takes his clothes off to take a bath or go to the pool!). I now need to let him work on things such as toothbrushing for instance.

He can eat by himself since he is 2. That was one of the first things that came to my mind when we discovered he was autistic: he had to learn to eat by himself – and neatly! That was a long-drawn-out job; for a long time, I taught him how to put his hand, told him he should not wait too long between his plate and his mouth because his food would fall down, helped him hold his spoon the good way so that nothing would fall down, helped him with his fork to take his food correctly…

I will keep on trying to get Matthieu the more autonomous possible. With time, it is getting easier, thanks particularly to his psychomotor therapist, who is doing an incredible job teaching him how to hold things and to use them correctly.

Translation: Raphael Dupuy